Friday, August 14, 2009

Reflection on Child like love for my Lord.

I was enjoying a morning of rough and tumble with my two younger ones on the bed in the morning. It was a holiday and the luxury of lazing around and wrestling around with my younger two was all mine. I was enjoying the innocent love of the two little hearts which loved and trusted me with out conditions. These moments made me reflect on my love for our Lord.

During the initial days of the love for my Lord, my love was as innocent and beautiful as kunjunnis and kunju babychans love for me. It didn’t have a format, it didn't have words, it didn't have any frills and thrills. It was simple love. When I felt like loving my Lord, I would tell him Lord I don’t know how to pray properly, I don’t know how to meditate upon your love. I don’t have enough of my own love stored up to give you, so let me enjoy your ,love and show my love for you in me own childish ways. Then I could snuggle up into his loving arms as kunjunni did, and enjoy His love enfolded in his loving arms. I could snuggle up into the crook of his arm and stay there enjoying his presence and His love. I could enjoy the silkiness of his beard, hold his loving face in my arms and look deeply into those loving eyes. I could put my head on is chest and hear the murmur of his heart telling me of his infinite love. But I could not understand a word of it as I still did not know enough about his love. But those heart beats still told me how much he loved me. It could fill peace and joy with in my heart. Those murmurs could be the love song that could give me happy and contented sleep. I could feel the loving wound just below his pierced heart. Although it was a hard scar rough to touch, they spoke of his love for me. When his hand passed through my hair, I again could feel the scars on his hands, but they didn't feel rough to me. The scars told me about a love that sacrificed a godly existence for me. They told me about a resolute march through his life towards the cross for His love of me. They told the story of a God who loved his people to sacrifice His only son for them. They still talked to me of a God who waits me on the altar in the form of humble bread and wine so that he could be one with me on this earth They told me of an impatient God who would rather be sacrificed on the altar here on earth every day and be consumed by an unworthy me so that he could be with me now rather than waiting for me in heaven.

Now I know the formulas of prayers. I can say very pious prayers. I can sing and praise him and may be lead worship times. I can give discourses on his infinite love. But how I wish I had that innocence of my first love. How I wish I could have the intensity of that first love. I could give all my piousness, the beauty of my prayer and every thing to have the preciousness of that first love. I am in search of that wonderful love deep within me. And I am sure there is a lord impatiently waiting for me to reciprocate that love. My only consolation is that he is the Lord of love and he is an impatient Lord in matters of love. So my heart is searching for him knowing that he alone can give me back that love …

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