It has been along time since I have written. I have decided to break my shell of silence. This interim period has been a tough period, but through those moments our loving Lord was teaching me a lot of things. Let me describe one of those moments. As I have told you I was the father of three children and now I am the proud father of four children. I love my moments with my children and they enjoy my company.I want my love for them to reflect the love of the heavenly father as much as this imperfect me can. I fail most of the time, but I guess I succeed a little considering they consider me as their most trusted pal.
So I trust my kids unconditionally. I accept their love as the greatest gift they can give and give the most of my little reserve of love to them too. Some times my kids come to me with some elaborate story which I know is not completely true. I would clarify to them that even though I am not convinced, since they say it is true, since I trust them I believe in them and that it is true. This has always worked for me because they would immediately tell me the truth or come back and confess the truth later. So my trust in them and the love of my heavenly father which kept them on the path of righteousness grew in leaps and bounds.
Then one day it happened. One of my kids broke the trust and told me some thing which was not true and stuck to it. I handled it in the usual way. I was not sure whether it was the truth or not. Then it happened a second time, this time I knew it was a lie and the matter on which this happened was a bit serious. After all my loving promptings and indicating that I knew it was probably not the truth my kid stuck to the story. I was devastated. Suddenly my premise for my tender love for my kid and the unconditional trust that I placed was questioned. I could not bring myself to accept it. I could not even bring myself to love my kid from the depth of my heart. That night I sat with my lord and asked him, is the power of love only this much ? Was my methods which I had presumably learned from him all wrong ? I threw those questions at him and sat in front of him ?
Then the mirror was turned this side,I saw my face reflected there ? I saw in that mirror a bigger denier of trust. I saw in that mirror a much bigger betrayer of love. How many times had i broken the unlimited trust and misused the freedom that our Good lord had entrusted on me ? But in spite of all that his love for me never wavered. His love for me never wavered in spite of my weaknesses, the incessant faults in my behavior, my imperfections, my feeble love and even feebler trust in him. His was a constant love and that was what drew me back to him.
I was ashamed of my own feeble love and commitment towards my Lord. I was ashamed of judging my child when I was a bigger betrayer of trust and love. So I got down in front of my Lord and forgave my kid right there. I came to the realization that I am not to love her for what she gives back to me but in spite of those. And that I will never get to love a perfect kid, but an imperfect one just like her dad on whom his heavenly father bestowed all his love and trust in. And I went to sleep that night in the loving and trusting arms of my heavenly father.